As an Expert Contributor in Westwood Living, Derek Field writes periodic columns focusing on self defense and martial arts. To learn more about Westwood Living, call the Publisher, Tom Leyden at 201-913-1888.
By Derek Field
I would like to tell you the story about my friend, lets call him Jake. Jake and I went way back to
elementary years, growing up in the same town. Kept in touch pretty regularly throughout the
college and post-college years. Towards our late twenties, my friend was having some rough
times.
There were some job losses, among other issues, that put Jake in a bit of a depressive state.
This guy loved to laugh, and make others laugh, but found it difficult to ever want to leave the
house.
Around this time, I was just getting started in my original Sharon location of Field Martial Arts. I
would see Jake from time to time, and encouraged him to come try out a kickboxing class. He
begrudgingly agreed, coming in very skeptical that “kickboxing” would help him in any way. He
did however, come take a class.
Motion creates emotion. This is something I teach to my students and team of instructors. One
step can lead to many others, but the first step is most important. Once you take it, the hardest
part is over. Jake felt this effect to his core. He got a killer work out, and even though it was
challenging for him, he felt amazing afterwards. Day one victory! Here we go!
And go he did! Jake was consistently coming in, 2-3 times a week, and feeling better and better every
time. After a while, he was not just FEELING the positive effects, but he was starting to see
them too! As he started to really feel that it was working for him, and feeling proud of his
progress, that helped him to make other positive changes to his lifestyle. He started eating
healthier, limited his drinking, and even started doing a routine at the gym to supplement his
training. His body was getting stronger and stronger, however the mind was what changed the
most.
There were no more “pity parties” with my friend. Jake was back to the guy we all used to know.
He was feeling more ready to take on the world! However, my buddy was dealt a tough hand, as
he was diagnosed with MS a year or so after he started training.
This was understandably a devastating blow to my friend, especially since he was making so
much progress! It was this progress that helped him be ready to take on this new battle. Facing
a pretty serious surgical procedure, Jake stayed positive. He did not let this diagnosis get the
best of him, as his resolve stayed strong. The doctors noted that his healthy lifestyle was
helping him to get a head start on his recovery, and he worked just about everyday to keep it at
bay.
Jake is still fighting his battle, every single day. I don’t know if the Jake I knew a few years back would have been willing or able to take the same approach to this new life challenge. Now, I am certainly not saying that kickboxing or martial arts is the answer to all of life’s problems. However, when it comes to our health and wellness, we have to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves. Sometimes it can be easier to “skip that step.”
Consistency will lead you to great results, with whatever you do in the pursuit of a healthy, strong mind and body. And hopefully, this helps to give us the strength to take on life’s challenges.
Be well everyone!
By: Derek Field
Fall is here! And that means the return of some of my favorite things - football, foliage, and the Halloween season!
As fun as Halloween can be, it doesn’t come without risks. Here are some tips for you and your family to make sure you stay safe while trick-or-treating on this spooky holiday.
COSTUME
OUT AND ABOUT
THE HAUL
By Derek Field
Field Martial Arts Academy
Hello everyone! Spring is in the air, and with it comes warmer weather, greener trees, and a new round of spring sports! Whether this is a child’s first attempt at whichever activity they choose, or if they are a “veteran” of the sport at hand, there is bound to be a time when your child experiences the desire to quit. Why does this happen, and what can we possibly do about it?
First of all, quitting can be a good thing. Whether it's baseball, soccer, dance, or martial arts, if a child truly does not want to continue with their sport of choice, or if it is negatively impacting their health or grades, it is a sign of strength to speak up and express their feelings.
However, more often than not the desire to quit comes from experiencing some type of difficulty, stress, or failure all of which are vitally important parts of the learning process. If a child gives in to the urge to quit, it can become easier and easier to quit and soon the desire to give up will appear anytime there is some type of difficulty.
So when our kid says “I quit," what do we do? Lets understand some reasons why kids want to quit:
- They are not progressing as quickly as they want to, or perhaps not at all
- The feeling of disappointing teammates or coaches
- The perception that they are not good at it, especially in comparison to others
- Their best efforts are still not getting them to where they want to be
- A friend quit, so they want to as well
- They have experienced some kind of defeat (lost a game, fell during a routine, failed a belt test, etc.)
- Bullying
How can we help our children avoid or deal with this feeling, even when it feels like their mind is made up and they want out? Well, the earlier you can communicate to them the potential challenges they will face, the better…especially if it is before any commitments are made. Help them understand what they need to do to break through the learning curve, and manage their expectations. We don’t want to dissuade them from trying, but it is wise let them know what difficulties lie ahead. We also want to make sure they understand that even though some difficulty is almost guaranteed, it is not impossible to overcome!
As a parent, it is important to remember that we must remain empathetic to our child when they hit this point. Avoid showing frustration, and instead try to get to the root of the issue.
Some questions that could give some insight are: “You were really excited to do this at first, what changed?”, “Are you disappointed with how you are doing?”, “Is someone hurting you, physically or emotionally?”, and “Would you like to play the same sport/activity, but on a different team/somewhere else?”
In martial arts, we talk about the importance of perseverance all the time. Not giving up in the face of difficulty is a core tenet that we believe is critical to install in all of us, and especially in our kids. I have seen many students get to the point of wanting to quit, and do just that. I have also had many break through that point, and go on to be their best! If you feel like your child does indeed need to stick by their sport, remind them of the commitment made by them and you (buying equipment, signing up for a season/term, etc) and that they at least have to finish what they signed up for. If after they still want to quit or do something else, they at least fulfilled their commitment.
If we, as parents and coaches, can show empathy and belief in our children, and help guide them through challenges, difficulties, and defeats, we are setting them up for future success. They will have learned that if they want to achieve something, as difficult as it may be, quitting is not how to reach that goal. Work hard, and come out smiling on the other side!
Until next time.
Learn more about Derek Field and Field Martial Arts by listening to our full conversation on the Westwood Living Podcast Network, available on SoundCloud, Spotify, Stitcher and YouTube
By Derek Field
Hello everyone and Happy New Year! As it goes year after year, many of us will be setting “resolutions” for the year 2023. However, experts say that over 80% of resolutions will fail by February. Let's set ourselves up for success by instead setting a S.M.A.R.T. goal for the new
year. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Sensitive.
SPECIFIC: Ambiguous goals will produce ambiguous results. You have to really narrow down what you are looking to achieve. A popular goal for the new year is to “be more fit” or “lose weight.” Those are not specific enough, you need to lay out exactly what you want!
MEASURABLE: A goal should be able to be tracked so as to measure your progress. Celebrate the victories along the way, and make adjustments if necessary to make sure that you stay on the path to success. This will also help you to stay motivated once you start seeing where you are now in the moment compared to where you started when you set the goal.
ATTAINABLE and REALISTIC: I see it happen so often where people set goals that are just outside the realm of realistic possibility. It is based on great intention for sure, but goals need to be able to fit into what is actually possible in your life. Start off small and take baby steps, so we can make a habit of what we are trying to accomplish. It should push you to make changes, without being so far away that it eats at your motivation and discipline to stay on track.
TIME-SENSITIVE: One of my mentors once said “Someday is really no day.” Procrastination is a real challenge to the success of your goals. Without a time frame, we can tend to put off actions that are critical to making progress towards what we want. One could even chunk the progress down into short, mid, and longer term goals. Also, having a time frame helps to make you more accountable!
One last thing is this…there will be days where taking steps towards achieving your goals will be something you really want to do, and then other days where it will be the last thing you want to do. Try to always be moving forward! Sometimes those steps forward will feel like leaps, and sometimes like baby steps, but with persistence and patience, you will get there!
Best of luck this coming year! Until next time!
Tom and Derek go through how to set SMART goals.
By Derek Field
In the next few weeks, students will be making the trek to their college campuses, some for the very first time. College is a very exciting time, not only to continue your education to invest in your future, but you get the chance to meet new people, find new interests, and have more independence in your daily life.
College course loads can be quite daunting, however, a potentially greater challenge is making sure we have not only a “fun” experience at college, but a safe one as well. Here are some tips for students returning to campus this fall.
Hopefully these safeguards can help make sure that you have a safe, productive, and fun year on campus this year. Best of luck everyone!
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